A Little Bit of Info

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Let me start by first sincerely thanking each and every one of you individually for all your beautiful and heartfelt Mazel Tov wishes. It may be clichéd, but words can truly never describe the warm feelings that I felt upon receiving and reading each and every comment. Lots of them brought tears to my eyes, something that has been happening pretty often lately, lol. Like I have mentioned before, the warmth and camaraderie that we sometimes forge here is like amazing. My special friend Rochel explained it very well on her amazing blog. There is less competitiveness and less jealousy and more acceptance here. Wouldn’t it be great to try to like inculcate these things in our real lives.

It is hard to write a lot without giving away too much, and I must value our privacy at this point. Still, I will try to write some general things about my chosson and our engagement for all those who have been waiting ever so patiently for the details.

Okay, so he learns here in BMG, which is the Lakewood yeshiva for the uninitiated. I will not say which building he dorms in, lol. He is a pretty regular kind of guy (besides all his special qualities, lol!), meaning his family, background, etc. He lives in the New York (until soon IY”H…), went to regular mesivta and then went to Eretz Yisroel to learn. He was in one of the places many BMG guys learn there. If this is like all not saying much, I guess he is a regular yeshiva guy in this aspect. Not like some of the out-of-town, small yeshiva, interesting family, guys I have dated. Not that some of those weren't real nice guys. I am just trying to describe the type of chosson I ended up finding B"H.

As far as plans, we will be living IY”H right here in Lakewood. We do not have an apartment yet, but I just heard that he looked into someplace that sounds pretty good and I hope to go there soon with my mother to look at it. He will be continuing in the yeshiva and I will be continuing my job for now, but I will be looking for an afternoon job or maybe finally take the computer course I never ended up taking. Lots of friends say not to take too much as the housework gets like way more than you’d imagine, but I guess I still just can’t picture so much housework while it is just the two of us. Like I am so used to doing laundry and cooking for our pretty large family B”H, I hope I will manage with this. It almost seems like I will be going on vacation, and I think my mother is like trying to get in her last licks cause she is afraid of when she will lose my help, lol. I am sure my younger siblings will take over and do their fair share dutifully (right!).

As far as myself, B”H we have found quite a lot of stuff so far, though it seems like we have hardly made a dent in ‘The To Do List’. I finally settled on a gown! Gosh, nothing can ever describe the feelings like when you are trying it on. Like I looked in the mirror and almost fainted! That was not me! I am this plain girl, not that glamorous kallah in white, satin, and lace looking back at me in the mirror. It took some time getting used to that. Then you just want to whirl and twirl in it but you feel too immature doing that. IY”H for all my friends the same feelings.

What else? We got linen, housewares, stuff I never dreamed I would need, and stuff I had to convince my mother I can not live without. I have already some sheva brachos outfits (though I still hope to lose some more weight…), shoes, and get this – yes, a shaitel! Growing up regular yeshivish frum, you’d think it would be the most normal thing, like it’s something you know you will IY”H wear one day. No way. I could not get used to that I will actually be wearing that all day on my head! Ouch. I hope it eventually grows on me (no pun intended). Some friends and I used to have like this joke looking at new kallas and how they are almost ALWAYS adjusting their shaitel and tucking in their hair, etc. Well, now the joke’s on me. I will definitely be doing that all day. I hope I will manage not to get that in every sheva brachos picture.

I could probably go on and on, but like it’s endless. I just wanted to share a little of the feel for all my readers who have been so kind to comment and visit my blog and share their opinions. I so feel like I am the same girl I always was and all this has to be someone else. I also know the feelings of yearning/happiness/frustration that can creep up on single girls reading this stuff. I was there too (although B”H I admit not for too long), and I hope never to lose my sensitivity to girls in any plight or just a down period of life. I wasn’t sure maybe just to not write anything and stick to issues, but I think that’s silly too. I hated being looked down on and when someone acted condescending to me. I know people are happy for you even though it may hurt. I am there with all of you, I really feel that. I don’t feel special or different in any way. And I have my heartfelt tefillos for every single one of my friends, like both in real life and on the blogosphere, for happiness always.

I do wish to post about some issues. Husband in Kollel and me working. Girls being worldlier than I think the schools treat us as being. Making peace with your inner naughty self and the part of you that yearns for ruchnios and elevation (if I ever figure that one out myself!). These are some of the topics in my head. I don’t know if it’s a dream to write about them, because I hardly have time to properly post about anything and monitor my blog. But I do hope to try.

One thing I will mention now. There was a big issue about my blog and how much I told my chosson and the whole thing made me give it a lot of thought. This is besides the LOTS of thought I already gave it before deciding how much to share as we were going out. So first of all let me share with everyone that besides that I think lots of people misunderstood me and I had told him a lot more than I think people realized, recently I told him about the blog too and stuff like that. So we are clean on that.

Does that mean I told him EVERYTHING? No. And I don’t think he did either. I had already mentioned something that I once heard on a tape of Rabbi Avigdor Miller. He says that while communication and openness is vital, to tell your spouse every failing you have is plain stupid (his strong word, I think). So there is a fine line that I guess people have to think a lot about and if they are lucky, which I was not, to discuss it with someone they trust and respect. Like obviously some things if you keep a secret you will only break a trust and cause problems in the future. In my case I felt I couldn’t pretend to be the typical yeshivish, aidel BY girl who does not have internet. (I question if this is even true, like look at OnlySimchas for example, but okay, this is the stereotype for some reason.) So I told him that I have my open, worldly side, that I have read books, that I go online etc.

Did I tell him that I have naughty fantasies about certain hot guys? No. Did he ever tell me that he had a yetzer hora and ended up looking at a girl? No he did not. But I think there is a difference. Like if had once hade a serious girl-friend (theoretically speaking, no he did not!) I would think I should know that. I’m not saying it disqualifies a guy or anything, but I think it is something I would feel I should have known. But does he have to tell me every time he couldn’t overcome a nisayon and if he ever flirted or something like that? I don’t even want to hear. Too much information. Okay, I admit I can’t picture him that way, and I wonder if he only pictures me as a sweet, innocent, aidel BY girl. Could be. But I know that I am human and I have spoken to him enough to tell, between the lines, that he is human too.

I am not saying there are no bachurim who never look, think, flirt. I don’t know all bachurim. Maybe there are. But such a guy I admit is just not for me. I am not on such a high level. There are surely girls who, whether because they have worked harder than me, or their parents brought them up better, or they were less exposed than me, or they just don’t have such a curious, burning nature, but I know girls who are on a higher madrega than me. So let the tzadikim marry them. I want a good boy, a top boy even, I do think I have my good points and I try really hard, but I am no tzaddekes and I don’t imagine I am marrying a tzaddik. Do I want to get there with him IY”H? Sure. But right now I have to recognize where I am.

I have gone slightly off topic here. Okay, this will have to do for now. Sorry if I went long. I finally had a chance to write. As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on anything.

Shalom

posted by Elisheva @ 8:25 PM