Until Later....

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Gosh. Where do I start? I hadn’t thought I’d end (or pause) my blog this way. I really wanted to get in so much more stuff and discuss a lot more topics. B”H things didn’t work out that way and I just couldn’t get around to posting.

First, the technical notes for now: We will be getting married IY”H sometimes between now and Pesach. Those who followed by blog until now, know that I value my privacy and it is that which allowed me to discuss things the way I did on the blog, which I think many people appreciated. The drawback is not having you all celebrate with me even online on the date, or even harder is that some of the very real sweet, nice, thoughtful, fun, and mentchlich people I met here, female and some males too, will not be coming in person to wish me Mazel Tov on a day I can say I really think I will be remembering them.

No, I don’t plan on spending my wedding night thinking of my blog, but many of you did share in a lot of things with me, and I got loads of advice, some of which I did find useful, and more so, I will surely be davening for all those who need shidduchim, or any other things I was made aware of. So yes, I will be thinking of you, and I hope we can celebrate together at least in a heartfelt fashion, if we can’t in real life.

So, getting back to the point, I am not giving out the date, so therefore I can’t stop right before, or it will be obvious. Besides I am having less and less time to blog anyway. So might as well stop (for now), when I can still write a decent note about it. That is why I decided to stop right after Purim.

I can never write how much all the comments meant to me, or how much all your stories and situations touched me. I liked sharing my opinions and getting yours. It is a beautiful thing here I think. I will truly miss it, though hopefully I will not have that much time to dwell on it.

Okay, about the future. Notice I am not saying, good bye, the blog is over. Maybe I should say it. Maybe it is. But I just can’t. So is it really over and I don’t have the guts to face it? I really don’t know. I know that for now, I just will not be able to. I don’t have internet openly in my home so it’s not like I can just do a quick comment any time.

About after we are married, we still didn’t fully decide, but decided to wait until we are married to decide! Lol. Like I will be taking my computer with me. So technically it will remain possible. And my chosson is not technically against me posting and blogging. The question is about having the internet in our home. We both wouldn’t want our children IY”H to be going online so far, but that is way off in the future. For now, the issue is more whether it pays to do something we won’t be telling people. Like it really isn’t so comfortable doing something you know you wouldn’t want people knowing. Even though I don’t think the blogging in itself is bad, I will admit the internet is dangerous, and yes, I admit I too maybe saw stuff I shouldn’t have. Okay, not maybe. I did. So though the blogging here itself is pretty okay and the comments and exchange is great, we have to decide about the internet at all.

Secondly is that someone pointed out (like I said, yes, I do take the advice and e-mails seriously and consider them) that this takes a lot of time and during Shana Rishona it may not be healthy to be pushing off spending time with my chosson cause I like want to ‘get in’ a post. I really thought a lot about this. And I spoke to my chosson about it.

We are unsure about this too. Like I guess until it happens it is hard to gauge. Like will it really steal time and then it is bad, or maybe not. Maybe there will be times I already threw in a load, supper is simmering and I have an hour until he gets home and it would do wonders for me to be able to just sit and compose a thought. I love writing my thoughts, as you probably noticed, and then hearing from others about them.

So this too we will have to see and then decide. But for now, I guess I will have to say, gosh, I have tears in my eyes now, really. I didn’t realize this will be so hard. Okay, so let me jump past the technical part and get to the emotional part. You all mean so much to me. I was touched in so many ways by so many of you. I so wish we can continue sharing and being mechazek each other. I really hope to somehow keep in touch. I do. This was a real part of me at this stage in my life and a part I liked, enjoyed and I think helped me grow. I hope some of you feel this way too.

I will daven for all of you. Really. Hashem should only bless you all with the best in everything you need to lead lives of Torah and Yiddishkeit. Health, shidduchim, children, peace of mind, direction, and everything else.

Okay, I am crying too much now. I can’t write any more, and I have nothing else to say now anyway. My point was good-bye for now and I will miss you all and thank you all so much for visiting and commenting and e-mailing, and most of all, caring and sharing.

Hope you all understand.

Elisheva

P.S. I don’t know why I am writing this here, but I just feel that I have to somehow acknowledge the help I received from someone. I don’t think he will ever read this and surely he has no clue about my blog, but I just feel that for myself, personally it would not be right not to say something in public.

Those who read a lot of my stuff know that there is a Kollel Yungerman whom I respect a lot and who took a personal interest in my life even though he owes me nothing and I don’t think he was very comfortable talking to a single young girl like me, whom his wife does not even know. I got to know him through a friend of mine, with whose family he is very close. I think the world of him. He embodies a person who yes, is yeshivish, yes he’s frum, yes, he’s learning, and yet he is a mentch, he is normal, he is understanding, he doesn’t judge, and to me he was a life-saver and I mean that more than he or anyone else will ever know. In my doubting, teen-age, hormone filled times, he was there when I had no one to reach out to. I think he was uncomfortable, but he realized how much it meant to me and he was there. And his advice was always on the mark and always worked.

You will never see this, but thank you. I owe this much. I just feel a need to express it, and to publicize what a Kiddush shem shomayim I believe you did by showing me that there are still those who embody the Torah life the way it was meant to be. To be lived by humans with human failings and not just angels. That’s what you always told me.

Thanx

posted by Elisheva @ 12:23 AM